Those of you who are my friends on Facebook — it’s really the only way to get classic hilarious observations like “Jesus Christ it was cold when I was walking my dogs!” — you saw me bring in the new year with the following important question:
Who would win in a fight between Batman and Wolverine?
The results are in and I can confidently announce that my Facebook friends are smartasses. Stop the presses.
I also got some votes. In those votes, Wolverine won almost 2 to 1. Interesting.
My Facebook friends on Team Wolverine are forgetting one small detail…
I just saw The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I am no expert on Swedish entertainment, but how much of their economy is rape-driven? ‘Cause it seems like a lot. I am never going back to Ikea without pepper spray.
This the Ikea Bevkam, which is Swedish for Kitchen Bondage Cart. Note the optional bukkake hole.
As I’m sure you’ve all heard by now, Tim Tebow didn’t get picked to go to the Pro Bowl because he is one of the worst quarterbacks in the NFL. Clearly, we’re fucked.
I need to get this out before we’re swamped with people telling us Lisbeth Salander is some sort of positive role model for young women, causing my head to explode.
Note: The following contains spoilers for the plot of Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows. But really, you aren’t going to a Guy Ritchie movie for the plot. Rest comfortably in the knowledge that there are plenty of slow-motion punches and high-speed homoeroticism. If you’re concerned with a coherent story and understandable character motivations, get to an art house cinema. Hippy.
Unrelated Star Wars Questions: During Luke’s first long conversation with Obi-Wan in A New Hope, he (Luke) learns about the Jedi Knights. But in later movies, including the prequels, they are almost always referred to as simply Jedi. Is there a difference between a Jedi and a Jedi Knight? Or was the “knight” quietly dropped to avoid confusion with Baywatch Nights or Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights? Would the prequels have been improved with some dirty dancing? (“In a corner, no one puts Yoda!”) Or maybe Darth Hasselhoff?
I don’t know what the Dubliners have done to anger the Mythbusters. Maybe they all think the moon landing was a hoax? Maybe one of them forwarded an email about a can of biscuits exploding in a hot car? Or told the story about getting electrocuted by peeing on an electrified train track? Perhaps Adam and Jamie have laid siege to the town until they surrender the guilty. It’s difficult to tell.
I’m sure everyone in Dublin is googling “boiling pitch” right now and figuring out what sort of permits they need for a moat. They need not bother, because when the Mythbusters have decided you need to explode, you are fucked. Basically.
This could get ugly, quickly. To paraphrase FDR, “the only thing we have to fear is Dublin mayor Tim Sbranti having one-on-one combat with Adam Savage, just like that scene with Hector and Achilles in Troy, though less homoerotic, we hope.”
Tim looks like a man with some substance. Adam looks like a man with some explosives.
I’ve written to Mayor Sbranti to get his opinion on what happens next. How does Dublin respond? Will he retaliate with all the might of the Dublin PD? Will he conditionally give in to their demands, provided he gets a weekly massage from Kari Byron?
Can every week be shark week?
We’ll see if Mayor Sbranti is at liberty to respond. I’m sure the Mythbusters are monitoring his communications. I heard you can do that by just wrapping old mattress coils around telephone wires. I wonder if that’s true?
The road to Heaven may be paved with good intentions, but those intentions are delivered by a piece of shit Ford van. This is the philosophy with which I was raised, and I had it confirmed on my way to work this morning.
Complete with Baptismal Ladder
I think my favorite is “Bought by Jesus” near the door hinge. That’s one way to stick it to Bank of America. I couldn’t get a pic of the other side, but it says “rust spots by Satan” and “hubcaps swiped by homosexuals.”
I wish I knew what was inside. I hope it’s a lot of deep pile shag carpeting and a couple of forlorn hookers.
The Internet is already running slightly warmer than usual with snarky reviews. But I want to focus on one aspect that is only lightly touched in Part 1.
When I recently endured and reviewed Anonymous, it occurred to me that I knew very little about any of the other characters in that film. Apart from Shakespeare himself, the only literary figures I know from then are the people who are accused of writing Shakespeare’s plays.
Shakespeare was respected during his time, but nothing like the reverence we hold for him now. Few of the people standing in the mud at the Globe would have known they were watching something timeless. You never know what’s going to crawl out of the popular culture and into history. Fingers crossed, Toby Keith!
