If you’ve spent more than a few minutes around me in person, you’ve probably heard me bitch about one of my two biggest pet peeves:

• people who say “due to the fact that”
• the way we’re performing the National Anthem at big sporting events

On the first one: we have the word “because” for a reason, people! Don’t pile on extra words if you aren’t also piling on extra content! At least don’t do it in front of me, because I will become irrationally violent and come right at you. (See how it works?) I have a similar event planned for those who say “at this point in time.”

Note to people who say “utilize”: you’re on the watch list.

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Parents plead guilty in son’s cancer death.

It’s an eye-catching headline. There are a lot of easier way to murder someone than giving them cancer.

But if you click the link, you’ll see that it’s actually manslaughter because they didn’t get his cancer treated. They’d find what felt like swollen lymph nodes, but then it would go away. Then it would come back. Then he was dead. Oops!

I’m no doctor, but I strongly believe lumps are bad, even if they come and go. If you walk into the doctor’s office and say “my son had a lump on his neck, but it’s gone now” the doctor will not say “great — thanks for coming by!” Lots of things can cause swollen lymph nodes. Including Hodgkin’s lymphoma.

Grrrr.

It’s possible I’m projecting here. A few months ago I had swollen lymph nodes too and got put through a battery of tests that ranged from irritating to painful. I think the needles they use in needle biopsies are barbed. In my case it was nothing — I had a bad cold a week before a routine checkup and my nodes were still puffy.

I’m definitely venting though. Hodgkin’s lymphoma has an 80% recovery rate if treated. The rate is somewhat lower if ignored. Now those ex-parents are probably going to prison, where they’ll get proper medical treatment if they need it.

Check those lumps, people. Don’t worry about the cost, worry about the cancer.