Facebook told me I should be friends with Rebecca Black. The Rebecca Black.

I don’t have any strong feelings about this girl. I don’t like the song, but I don’t hate it so much that I want her to die in a fire or get throat cancer or any of the other nonsense people have said to her. (Honestly, people — have you never heard of “All I Need is a Miracle”? Mike + The Mechanics? That shit was vile.)  But not wanting something bad to happen to someone else isn’t much of a foundation for a friendship. A necessary component, sure, but not a sufficient one. Facebook won’t even let me befriend all the people that covers. (Formula: [Total World Population] – [Michael Bay])

Rebecca Black is a 14-year-old girl getting homeschooled in L.A. so she can focus on getting a duet with Justin Bieber. I don’t know why Facebook thinks we share a lot of interests.

Something in my profile? The pages I’m subscribed to seem innocuous. They cover:

• Auburn University football
• Tone-Deaf Pedophiles
• Atlanta Skeptics

I’m baffled. Do you think she’s an Auburn fan? That would be cool. If she’s an advocate for skepticism, we should see about getting her to TAM. She could swing it with her “Friday” money.

This shit doesn’t happen on Google+.